SO you want to ‘spill the tea’ – don’t.

Just don’t – trust me don’t post it, it’s probably not worth it

WOW, it’s been a whirlwind few days. I am going to be very careful writing this post. I don’t want it to be controversial, I don’t want it to be mean. Despite this, I have learnt a lot. It has taught me many things, which, I would like to share and reflect on. 

Titles

No matter the post, think about what your title is. Could it be misleading? Could it be open to interpretation. Be 100% clear. I think it is widely known that click-bait titles entice an audience. I see it all the time. I was naive. I have learnt the hard way. I think also, and somewhat a disadvantage to the written word is tone. The way you imply and intend something may be interpreted in a totally different way to someone else. Once it is out there, it is difficult to change, or even take back. Trust me, it’s just not worth it. 

Content

I think when you are writing a post which could cause a split in opinions it can be easy to loose focus. It is easy to only look at the opinion that you share and easier to loose touch with the opinions and sometimes even reasons why there might be an alternative view. Just think, really think. I know sometimes in the heat of the moment, when something has happened for a millionth time that really grates on your nerves,  it is easy to just write without more than a second thought. But trust, it’s just not worth it. 

I was naive. Really naive. I didn’t think about the consequences. I didn’t think about who might read the post. I didn’t think about who it might effect. I didn’t think [or even expect] the speed and intensity a post can travel. Once it is out there, there is no going back. You have to own it. That is why, if you really want to ‘spill the tea’ THINK. Is it worth it? Could you just message the person(s) who are affecting you? Most importantly, is what they are doing even important to you? The chances are – probably not. 

Backlash

If you do write a controversial post – sometimes it is necessary. Backlash or ‘hate’ may come your way. NOTHING could have prepared me for this. Twitter drama is something that I had never ever experienced before. I usually try to stay away from it. People are SO entitled to their opinion. There will also always be people who disagree with you and that’s ok. HOWEVER, sometimes it does get a bit more personal than that. That is not okay. Death threats – not okay. Deeply personal insults – not okay. 

However, if you are at the receiving end of this kind of ‘criticism’ – don’t react to it. No matter how much you want to defend yourself. Just leave it. It will probably only make things worse. Keep your composure, keep your dignity. Trust me – it’s just not worth it. 

Coming Back

Coming back, especially from threats described above is hard. It makes you question yourself, and everything you do. Did I deserve it? Was I out of line? The truth of the matter, is that everyone makes mistakes. I know for sure, I certainly won’t be writing one of these kinds of posts again. I have learnt my lesson. Regardless of my true, internal opinion, it really is just not worth it. It may give you lots of views, it may result in hundreds of lovely messages too. But at the end of the day. Stay true to yourself. I didn’t. 

Throughout my blogging journey and more specifically since starting Blogging By Soph, I have prided myself in being a positive, and lovely blogger. Not one that is argumentative. Not one who is controversial. I am also a mental health blogger. No matter your true internal opinion, bringing others down is not okay. Therefore, take this as a message from me, from here on in, no matter how tempting it might be, I will never again be posting  a controversial post. It may take me a while, or perhaps I will never be accepted into some communities. That’s okay – they are entitled to their feelings and opinions. 

Just think, really think about what you are posting. Once it is out there, you have to own it. There is no going back.

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4 Comments

  1. August 8, 2018 / 5:55 pm

    Soph, this is a WONDERFUL post. I am so proud of the way that you handled the (frankly undeserved) backlash that you received. I could not have coped under the intense amount of pressure, and to see you do so with such care and grace, was inspiring. I hope you are feeling at least a little better, and know that there is a whole community of people that are here for you whenever you need us. 💛

  2. Brooke
    August 8, 2018 / 7:13 pm

    This post is well thought through and beautiful. Like you said everyone has their own opinion and is entitled to it. The first post didn’t offend me in anyway I found it relatable but I can understand how others would be offended. I highly commend you for this post and owning up and saying controversial posts aren’t your thing. We all make mistakes in life, that’s how we learn. Thank you for being so honest as it’s made me think about what I will post and being careful about all the things you’ve mentioned☺️
    Brooke x
    http://www.brooke-pearson.co.uk

  3. August 8, 2018 / 9:41 pm

    This is all true. However.. as bloggers, opinions is what we actually should be brave enough to write about it, isn’t it? Wether or not our opinion is the one that the audience want to read. Being true to ourselves is important, just like our opinions are important, even if controversial. Now, I’d love to know what post coused such Twitter drama. Without mentioning the original post, this one seems incomplete.

  4. August 8, 2018 / 10:08 pm

    I don’t mind reading things that are controversial, even if I don’t agree with them. I hope you don’t change the spirit of your writing because of one person or one instance of drama. It’s better to have a controversial point, than watered down politically correct nothingness. At any rate, I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that.

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